Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
