my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
