And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think my moral compass just broke
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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