Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
