i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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