Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
