Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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