Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
