I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
