seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
