I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just want nice things and good sex
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
