I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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