and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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