put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
