Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
