you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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