I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
