I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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