im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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