K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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