Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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