A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
