I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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