went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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