Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
