Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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