just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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