Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
