I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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