one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
