im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
