PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
