zippers are such a cool invention
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
