from now on my penis is your penis
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
