so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
