Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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