yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
