I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
