Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and she was petting her beer can
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
