I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
