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I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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