My balls are so social today.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
