On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
