Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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