Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize