is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
im on a boat
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