Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
