Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
