I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
