Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
