Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
