Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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