WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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