i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
