I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Come see our sink grown plant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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