My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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