Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
