Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
