i barfeds in our rink
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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