my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
