I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
