Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
