I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
