Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
