dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
