Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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