he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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