why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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