i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
