I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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