I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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