Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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