Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
