happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
