Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
