Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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