Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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