This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
