Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
