dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
