my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
