Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
